Whatchu' Claimin' ???

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website:

• 4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period.
  

• Some estimates say almost 1 million incidents of violence occur against a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend per year.

• Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.

• 74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while they were at work.

There are other eye-opening stats that I've neglected to include. The fact of the matter is that these all of them are sobering, eye-opening, and almost unthinkable.

And then I ran across this, a legitimate reason for an altercation.

Some things are just worth fighting for.

I Have An Announcement...

No one will go hungry, without shelter, in need of medical attention in the U.S. from here on out. The deficit is actually now a surplus, global warming has been reversed, every child in America has an opportunity for higher education, and Bin Laden has been brought to justice. New Orleans has been restored, terrorist threats are a thing of the past, Arrested Development has been rightfully put back on television and can never be canceled again, and all reality shows have been permanently banned from the airwaves. Oh yeah, an afterthought, all the members of the military have come home.

Seem boastful? Not when you read this.

Congress has found the fucking time to pass a resolution to congratulate a fucking football team. I doubt that this is the first instance of this kind of cock slapping, but it's the first I've been privy to.

Here's a fact, I like sports more than you do. I spend ridiculous amounts of time watching, playing, simulating, reading about, thinking about, and anticipating athletic events. Even with that being true, I'd like to line 415 people up and spit in their fucking faces for the absurdity of passing a revolution to honor some trivial bullshit.

My Dad has maintained for years that these people are "public servants", and should act accordingly. Not true Pop. These motherfucking scumbags should be held to a much higher standard than what the general populace deems normal behavior. I realize that the majority of people probably find this exercise in pretentiousness acceptable but they shouldn't, and neither should the people chosen to "represent" us.

As ridiculous as I find the entire ordeal, I'm actually more infuriated by the douche that decided to take some cutesy stance of protest. Did he abstain to show how unnecessary this jack-fest was? Of course not, that would be respectable. Instead this guy had the moral courage to vote against the resolution based on the fact that he's a Georgia fan. I should note that three members chose to ignore this exercise in knob-polishing by merely voting "present". Kudos to you as well as the seventeen that didn't bother to vote (I actually have more respect for them even working under the assumption that they were absent).


Absolutely disgusting.

Sleep well America, we're in good hands.

Praying For A Natural Disaster...

and I hope it makes Katrina look like a lazy breeze.

Mind Ya Business...Or Else

So ya wanna be a hero?



Apparently if you do something nice, you can lose your fucking mind.

With that being said, I vow to punch babies, trip the blind, and be a general pain in the ass to everyone I meet.

Why can't people just do something praise worthy, accept that praise, and then move on? A couple weeks back I was wondering aloud (bitching) to this guy about how "addictive" celebrity is. Specifically, I was asking him about that cop show with the midget and Ponch, and if it could really be that these people NEED that in their lives?

I guess I have my answer. If "Regular Joe" can be completely consumed by his time in the limelight, how the fuck can we expect someone who enjoyed the kind of "success" that La Toya did to handle it gracefully? Douches.

By the way, "Armed and Famous" certainly seems like false advertising to me.

So I Went Home For Christmas...

You need to meet my Dad. No seriously, he's one of the most entertaining cats that has graced the planet. He doesn't try, nothing is forced, yet he continually brings it. A lifetime of civil service (military and postal) has no doubt chiseled him into the personality he is today.

This particular day found me riding in a vehicle with Pop. His driving style is bipolar at best...continually alternating between 75 and 45 mph, with no real modus operandi. This is all beside the point.

President Ford had died the night before and seeing opportunity to crack wise, I said "Sure is nice to see that they lowered the flag for James Brown".

Dad just looked at me in disgust. I was proud.

Just Under The Wire...

Back in December (I think) I graced you with my presence. These visits are few and far between and should be coveted, at least in my estimation. When I started this "project" I probably said that I'd start and fail the effort to update with any semblance of normalcy. I do recall that I was waxing poetic about the prospecting of (finally) graduating college. It came and went with a blur, it was exciting, and I was proud that the people I care most about were there to celebrate it with me.

After a decade-long struggle to obtain a B.A., I find myself against a new (and in perhaps a more daunting) task...attending my 10 year high school reunion. It should be noted that this event is a good 6 months away, but that hasn't really stopped me from thinking of things to obsess about in the interim. In no particular order, here is the list that has been keeping me from sleeping (on and off) since this "reunion talk" has surfaced.

1. I barely graduated college before the reunion*
2. "Why is he still single?"
3. "I really feel sorry for him because he's single".
4. "Why is he alone?"
5. "I really feel sorry for him because he's alone".

* Denotes that this one is actually ranked in order of concern

I won't deny that I realize how utterly pathetic this is. It's just surprising to learn that I still give a shit what those people think, especially when I've been claiming for the last 9 years that I don't.

About F'n Time

Almost a year ago I wrote this:

So normally I'm not all that moved by much. Normally I can take things in stride. I can watch or witness something and come away from as the same person I went into it with. Today was an exception. Today I watched my roommate graduate college. I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal. I mean, it was someone else's day, someone else's accomplishment, and someone else's moment. As I sat up in the stands, and watched not only him, but also countless others see their labor come to fruition, I found myself motivated. You would think the fact that I'm IN college, the fact that I've wasted several years of my life dicking off, not really pressing forward in academia, and generally just "spinning my wheels" when it comes to academic achievement would be enough motivation. The feeling or sensation isn't really something that I'm capable of, or even comfortable describing. I will say this, I want to be one of those people. I want to don the faggy cap and gown. I want too many pictures taken. I want to be the source of pride for my family and friends. I want to know that there was a reason that I tortured myself, stayed up too late studying, ignored social opportunities, and got myself in ungodly debt.

Fucked up punctiation aside, it's all still pretty true. It's just 8 days and 5 finals away. I like my "school" for the most part, but I hate college. Usually I'm in a rush to get the fuck off of that campus, to get away from the annoying frat fucks and the screeching voices of the sorority bitches. Today was a little different. I got out of class a little after 3. It was really fuckin' cold today, but I wasn't in a real hurry to get out of it. I just kind of ambled my way across campus to my truck. Not really "taking it all in", but I didn't go out of my way not to as I normally would've.

College hasn't really gone the way I, or anyone else, thought it would for me. I expected to be in and out in 5 years max. Double that and you'll have my tally. Should've bet the over on that one I guess. I'm disappointed, but things have turned out pretty well. I already have a really good job, my boss is amazing to work for, and I get to work with one of my best friends 3 days of the week. I've always had the tendency to touch the hot stove as opposed to heed the warning of someone, but I'm pretty sure that having my hand burnt has resulted in some scars I'm pretty comfortable with.

Hey College Fuck, Wise Up...

If you’ve been in college, or on a college campus in the last 5 or so years, this list is probably a little too familiar. I doubt that anyone shares my sentiments, but I’d like to give my perceptions of the top 10 people that I hate on campus.




1. Catch-You-Up-On-Previous-Night’s-Events Girl- “Oh my God! Last night I drank like 4 shots of Apple Pucker and was soooooooo WASTED! Then I was the recipient of a 14 guy train. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. I took like 15 RU-486 pills, and had my unsuspecting boyfriend punch me in the stomach for good measure!” Simply, no one gives a shit that you’re a lightweight, or a whore. I hope you get AIDS.


2. Hair Product Guy- Self explanatory. Everyone wants to look their best, but this douche takes it to an extreme. I hope your follicles are exposed to an open flame.


3. State-The-Obvious Guy/Girl- Prof. asks simple question, “smart” student consults book or lecture notes, and promptly answers question. I hope you go blind.


4. Ipod Guy- Look fuckface, no one cares what you’re listening to. So why not turn the volume down to a level at which you can actually hear the music/lyrics without suffering through the distortion. If I wanted to listen to your shitty music, I’d ask. I hope your eardrums rupture.


5. Wristband Guy- Everyone supports some cause. It may be beating cancer, it may be beating heart disease, or it may be beating women. The problem I have with this schmuck is that he feels the need to display the causes all at the same time. Are your wrists cold? Is that why you need 3+ on each wrist at all times? I hope your hands are severed from your arms so that nothing is left to hold them.


6. Sweatband Guy- Did I miss something? Are basketball games and other athletic endeavors prone to just breaking out at random? Perhaps sometime back you were privy to this happening and didn’t have your equipment with you? Did that leave you feeling inadequate and therefore unable to participate? You’re wearing a polo shirt, flip-flops, and jeans, but as long as you have your sweatbands on your middle arm, you’re good to go. Is that it? I hope you accidentally get that thing around your neck and hang yourself.


7. Cell-Phone Girl- Two prefaces here. I realize that we live in the technological age, and I’m just as happy with the conveniences as anyone. Also, I understand this isn’t necessarily exclusive to college, but because of the saturation on campus we’ll treat it as such. I’d love to know how you got to be so important at such a young age. Why can’t you take (or make) a phone call with some hint of privacy? Just like Ipod Guy, no one gives a blue fuck who you’re talkin’ to, what you’re talkin’ about, or why you’re talkin’ to them. I guess you were so advanced at such an early age that you skipped kindergarten and the instruction on using “inside voices”. I hope you get larynx cancer.


8. Trendy-Book-Reading Girl- I know you’re really smart, really cultured, and really that much better than the rest of us. I understand that none of us are even qualified to serve as your underling. I also understand that flashing your copy of “Super Duper Popular Poignant and Insightful” by “Miss No-Talent Hole” is pretentious and annoying. I hope you get a paper-cut on your retinas.


9. I-Can’t-Let-Go-Of-High-School Guy- It’s okay to wear the 10,000 t-shirts you gathered in those 4 years. It’s okay to check the newspaper to see how they did in the big game last night. It’s even okay to wear your class ring for the first week of college until you figure out that the majority of people with the standard number of chromosomes aren’t wearing theirs. However, it is NOT OKAY to wear your letter jacket. I don’t give a shit how cold it is outside. You should risk hypothermia by not wearing a jacket at all before you commit this atrocity. I hope that jacket spontaneously combusts with you in it.


10. Myself- If you knew me, you would too. I hope I get sexed to death by this woman.