Don't You Fucking Dare Wake Me Up...

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I'm an Eagleholic. Jesus, that was fucking lame. Lemme try that again. I'm a Philly Fan. You may recognize us on the street, we're the ones that are smiling and crying at the same time, and they aren't tears of joy. The reason for the smile is obvious, the team we follow just earned their first Super Bowl berth (and only the second in team history) in the last 24 years. The tears are because as fans of the Eagles, we're scared. Yeah, I said it. Think about it. This city's favorite son is Rocky Balboa. Rocky Balboa, THE FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER! "We" celebrate him as if he won the Olympics, a War, the Heavyweight Championship of the World, and the National Spelling Bee. The reason we celebrate it? Pretty simple, he's the only "winner" the city has ever produced, more or less anyway. I sound as if I actually hate the Eagles...not the case. If you would have watched the NFC championship with me, as this guy did, you would know that I was living and dying with every snap, pass, kick, tackle, block, and sack. Speaking of sack, that's what everyone who said the Eagles were done when T.O. got hurt can suck. That was kind of a run-on sentence so I'll simplify...suck my sack.

Really though, the highlight of the weekend for me came with the AFC game. I told everyone I knew, including the lone Steeler fan I know (my roommate), the same day the Steelers beat the Pats during the regular season that there wasn't a chance in hell that they could beat them again. To me it was simple, rookie QB wouldn't be able to handle the pressure of the playoffs (confirmed by both the Jets and Pats games), every conceivable bad thing that could happen to the Pats did in the first meeting (fact), and Tom Brady (speaks for itself).

I realize this post is going to be interesting to absolutely no one, but I don't give a flying fuck. I don't walk around in real life telling people how fucking amped I am because they don't give a shit, and I don't wanna hear it from them when their team makes it. Therefore you, my dear readers (yeah, both of you) will just have to deal with the fact that I took the "liberty" of pounding the keys about something I like.

After hurriedly proofreading this incoherent babble I realized that I didn't REALLY celebrate the fact that they won. With that being said...THE EAGLES ARE THE NFC REPRESENTATIVE IN THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus I've been waiting forever to say that.

Alright, get started. Tell me how the Eagles don't have a virgin's chance at the prom in this game. You motherfuckers can't bring me down, besides I've got Stallone on my side, thick ass mongoloid-downs-syndrome-tongue and all.

Heil Harry!

I honestly don't understand what all the fucking fuss is about. So what if a 20 year old kid can't exercise "good and proper" judgment? I know that I'm 7 years older than this punk and I'm far from being "socially polished". I lack tact and class from time to time, but who doesn't? Granted, you would think that someone in that position would be a little more advanced in the workings of what is and isn't socially acceptable, but give the kid a fucking break already. So he's a fucktard. So he offended a few (million) people. Will an official apology and a visit to Auschwitz change anything? Doubtful. We'll hear in a little while how he was "incredibly moved" and "now realizes the error of his insensitive gesture". So what? Will it change anything? Will it make him a more compassionate, understanding, and sensitive individual? More importantly, will it honor, or even bring back from the grave even 1 of the six-million plus that were thoughtlessly slain? Of course not. If I were someone who was offended by this, I would consider a quick visit to one of the sites where the atrocities took place and a knee-jerk apology to be patronizing. To me it would be better to let it go than to have to listen to his upcoming diatribe on insensitivity and ignorance, but then again, I wasn't someone directly affected by his actions.

Step down off of your soapboxes, spend a moment reflecting on the blunders of your youth for a second. Can you think of anything you may have done that wasn't THE best reflection of your character? Most of you can, including myself. The difference being that none of us had someone there snapping pictures to preserve the moment (hopefully).

The kid wasn't right, in fact his action(s) was/were reprehensible. The kid fucked up, pardon the pun, royally. But we're making a much bigger deal out of this than needs to be.

An Open Letter To Resolutioners...

First allow me to say that I'm all for self-improvement. I'm all for setting goals, mapping out conquests, and generally striving to be a better (which is incredibly relative, but that's beside the point) person. What I think is ridiculous is the timing of said assignments. Why does everyone think that the beginning of a New Year is the chic time to set targets to throw at for the next 12 months? Granted, I can't think of a better time for one to begin, but what the fuck is the difference between Dec 31/Jan 1 and any other day(s), exactly? I read something recently that suggested that 80% of gym memberships in the U.S. are created in January. The same publication also stated that by March a mere 18% of the January members are still dedicated to their cause(s).

Again, I don't profess to know of a better time to start. If you've got something you want to change, a habit you want to break (or begin), then get off your pathetic ass and do it. My problem is with people needing some fuckin' crutch to lean on in order to do it. If you want something, you need to look yourself in the eye, whether that be in January or September, and do something about it. What I don't need to hear is another dullard asking me what my resolutions are. Of course I don't like everything about me, who in their right mind does? I'm a douchebag who needs an incredible amount of work in many facets. I postulate that the only reason anyone asks that God-forsaken question is so you'll return the favor and they can provide you with a laundry list of trumped-up bullshit they intend to do. If you are one of the ones who wait around for some asshole in a diaper and top-hat to roll around to show the slightest bit of motivation, good luck to you. The rest of us with any fortitude will enjoy the fact that the gym is a little less crowded come March.

So...

I hear the surf is really kickass in Thailand this time of year. All I can think about is how badly I want to lube up the ole board with some wax, throw on some shorts and hit the beach. I bet the breaks on some of those waves are KILLER. Oh, and I'm an ass.

New Year's was incredible. No wait, I mean incredibly uneventful. I worked up until about 11:30, went home watched some guy's balls drop and went to bed. It's the first time that I can remember not being at a bar or a party. I guess I didn't miss it. I had opportunities and invites, just wasn't feeling it. I was however feeling how angry my liver still was from watching College Bowl games and slamming Rum 'N' Cokes earlier in the week. I'm still not okay.

Not much else going on. School starts up again pretty soon. I can't begin to tell you how much I'm dreading that. It's never as bad as I make it out to be, usually no big deal, I just hate "starting over" all the fuckin' time. Looking at new people to hate, meeting new instructors to ignore, finding new places to skip class <===== All things I have to look forward to come the 10th. On a random note, my brother just started a new band. Apparently it's going pretty well with one of the new members. Look for some pretty cool stuff from these guys. The last band my brother was in got signed, then the drummer spontaneously combusted. Actually he died of a heroin overdose, but we like Spinal Tap.