Uh, yeah, I'm here for the gangbang?

Whatchu' Claimin' ???

2008-04-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website:

4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period.

Some estimates say almost 1 million incidents of violence occur against a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend per year.

Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.
74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while they were at work.

There are other eye-opening stats that I've neglected to include. The fact of the matter is that these all of them are sobering, eye-opening, and almost unthinkable.

And then I ran across this, a legitimate reason for an altercation.

Some things are just worth fighting for.

I Have An Announcement...

2007-01-19T18:57:00.000-08:00

No one will go hungry, without shelter, in need of medical attention in the U.S. from here on out. The deficit is actually now a surplus, global warming has been reversed, every child in America has an opportunity for higher education, and Bin Laden has been brought to justice. New Orleans has been restored, terrorist threats are a thing of the past, Arrested Development has been rightfully put back on television and can never be canceled again, and all reality shows have been permanently banned from the airwaves. Oh yeah, an afterthought, all the members of the military have come home.

Seem boastful? Not when you read this.

Congress has found the fucking time to pass a resolution to congratulate a fucking football team. I doubt that this is the first instance of this kind of cock slapping, but it's the first I've been privy to.

Here's a fact, I like sports more than you do. I spend ridiculous amounts of time watching, playing, simulating, reading about, thinking about, and anticipating athletic events. Even with that being true, I'd like to line 415 people up and spit in their fucking faces for the absurdity of passing a revolution to honor some trivial bullshit.

My Dad has maintained for years that these people are "public servants", and should act accordingly. Not true Pop. These motherfucking scumbags should be held to a much higher standard than what the general populace deems normal behavior. I realize that the majority of people probably find this exercise in pretentiousness acceptable but they shouldn't, and neither should the people chosen to "represent" us.

As ridiculous as I find the entire ordeal, I'm actually more infuriated by the douche that decided to take some cutesy stance of protest. Did he abstain to show how unnecessary this jack-fest was? Of course not, that would be respectable. Instead this guy had the moral courage to vote against the resolution based on the fact that he's a Georgia fan. I should note that three members chose to ignore this exercise in knob-polishing by merely voting "present". Kudos to you as well as the seventeen that didn't bother to vote (I actually have more respect for them even working under the assumption that they were absent).

Absolutely disgusting.

Sleep well America, we're in good hands.

Praying For A Natural Disaster...

2007-01-14T14:16:00.000-08:00

and I hope it makes Katrina look like a lazy breeze.

Mind Ya Business...Or Else

2007-01-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

So ya wanna be a hero?

Apparently if you do something nice, you can lose your fucking mind.

With that being said, I vow to punch babies, trip the blind, and be a general pain in the ass to everyone I meet.

Why can't people just do something praise worthy, accept that praise, and then move on? A couple weeks back I was wondering aloud (bitching) to this guy about how "addictive" celebrity is. Specifically, I was asking him about that cop show with the midget and Ponch, and if it could really be that these people NEED that in their lives?

I guess I have my answer. If "Regular Joe" can be completely consumed by his time in the limelight, how the fuck can we expect someone who enjoyed the kind of "success" that La Toya did to handle it gracefully? Douches.

By the way, "Armed and Famous" certainly seems like false advertising to me.

So I Went Home For Christmas...

2007-01-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

You need to meet my Dad. No seriously, he's one of the most entertaining cats that has graced the planet. He doesn't try, nothing is forced, yet he continually brings it. A lifetime of civil service (military and postal) has no doubt chiseled him into the personality he is today.

This particular day found me riding in a vehicle with Pop. His driving style is bipolar at best...continually alternating between 75 and 45 mph, with no real modus operandi. This is all beside the point.

President Ford had died the night before and seeing opportunity to crack wise, I said "Sure is nice to see that they lowered the flag for James Brown".

Dad just looked at me in disgust. I was proud.

Just Under The Wire...

2006-02-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

Back in December (I think) I graced you with my presence. These visits are few and far between and should be coveted, at least in my estimation. When I started this "project" I probably said that I'd start and fail the effort to update with any semblance of normalcy. I do recall that I was waxing poetic about the prospecting of (finally) graduating college. It came and went with a blur, it was exciting, and I was proud that the people I care most about were there to celebrate it with me.

After a decade-long struggle to obtain a B.A., I find myself against a new (and in perhaps a more daunting) task...attending my 10 year high school reunion. It should be noted that this event is a good 6 months away, but that hasn't really stopped me from thinking of things to obsess about in the interim. In no particular order, here is the list that has been keeping me from sleeping (on and off) since this "reunion talk" has surfaced.

1. I barely graduated college before the reunion*
2. "Why is he still single?"
3. "I really feel sorry for him because he's single".
4. "Why is he alone?"
5. "I really feel sorry for him because he's alone".

* Denotes that this one is actually ranked in order of concern

I won't deny that I realize how utterly pathetic this is. It's just surprising to learn that I still give a shit what those people think, especially when I've been claiming for the last 9 years that I don't.

About F'n Time

2005-12-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

Almost a year ago I wrote this:

So normally I'm not all that moved by much. Normally I can take things in stride. I can watch or witness something and come away from as the same person I went into it with. Today was an exception. Today I watched my roommate graduate college. I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal. I mean, it was someone else's day, someone else's accomplishment, and someone else's moment. As I sat up in the stands, and watched not only him, but also countless others see their labor come to fruition, I found myself motivated. You would think the fact that I'm IN college, the fact that I've wasted several years of my life dicking off, not really pressing forward in academia, and generally just "spinning my wheels" when it comes to academic achievement would be enough motivation. The feeling or sensation isn't really something that I'm capable of, or even comfortable describing. I will say this, I want to be one of those people. I want to don the faggy cap and gown. I want too many pictures taken. I want to be the source of pride for my family and friends. I want to know that there was a reason that I tortured myself, stayed up too late studying, ignored social opportunities, and got myself in ungodly debt.

Fucked up punctiation aside, it's all still pretty true. It's just 8 days and 5 finals away. I like my "school" for the most part, but I hate college. Usually I'm in a rush to get the fuck off of that campus, to get away from the annoying frat fucks and the screeching voices of the sorority bitches. Today was a little different. I got out of class a little after 3. It was really fuckin' cold today, but I wasn't in a real hurry to get out of it. I just kind of ambled my way across campus to my truck. Not really "taking it all in", but I didn't go out of my way not to as I normally would've.

College hasn't really gone the way I, or anyone else, thought it would for me. I expected to be in and out in 5 years max. Double that and you'll have my tally. Should've bet the over on that one I guess. I'm disappointed, but things have turned out pretty well. I already have a really good job, my boss is amazing to work for, and I get to work with one of my best friends 3 days of the week. I've always had the tendency to touch the hot stove as opposed to heed the warning of someone, but I'm pretty sure that having my hand burnt has resulted in some scars I'm pretty comfortable with.

What A Difference A Year Makes

2005-11-15T18:07:00.000-08:00

I could bemoan the current season of my beloved Eagles but this guy (you may have to scroll down, he updates pretty frequently) did a much better job than I ever could. The only thing I can add is that I'm officially on suicide watch. I ALMOST could've taken a season like this...IF the Eagles had beaten the Cowboys twice. As it stands the season is in the fucking tank and they're 0-2 versus those cockslaps. I've been reduced to being the asshole that just cheers for the misfortunes of other teams and that my guys can play spoiler. FUCK. Lastly, Mr. Mulgrew please punch your father in the face on my behalf.

Hey College Fuck, Wise Up...

2005-09-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

If you’ve been in college, or on a college campus in the last 5 or so years, this list is probably a little too familiar. I doubt that anyone shares my sentiments, but I’d like to give my perceptions of the top 10 people that I hate on campus.

1. Catch-You-Up-On-Previous-Night’s-Events Girl- “Oh my God! Last night I drank like 4 shots of Apple Pucker and was soooooooo WASTED! Then I was the recipient of a 14 guy train. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. I took like 15 RU-486 pills, and had my unsuspecting boyfriend punch me in the stomach for good measure!” Simply, no one gives a shit that you’re a lightweight, or a whore. I hope you get AIDS.

2. Hair Product Guy- Self explanatory. Everyone wants to look their best, but this douche takes it to an extreme. I hope your follicles are exposed to an open flame.

3. State-The-Obvious Guy/Girl- Prof. asks simple question, “smart” student consults book or lecture notes, and promptly answers question. I hope you go blind.

4. Ipod Guy- Look fuckface, no one cares what you’re listening to. So why not turn the volume down to a level at which you can actually hear the music/lyrics without suffering through the distortion. If I wanted to listen to your shitty music, I’d ask. I hope your eardrums rupture.

5. Wristband Guy- Everyone supports some cause. It may be beating cancer, it may be beating heart disease, or it may be beating women. The problem I have with this schmuck is that he feels the need to display the causes all at the same time. Are your wrists cold? Is that why you need 3+ on each wrist at all times? I hope your hands are severed from your arms so that nothing is left to hold them.

6. Sweatband Guy- Did I miss something? Are basketball games and other athletic endeavors prone to just breaking out at random? Perhaps sometime back you were privy to this happening and didn’t have your equipment with you? Did that leave you feeling inadequate and therefore unable to participate? You’re wearing a polo shirt, flip-flops, and jeans, but as long as you have your sweatbands on your middle arm, you’re good to go. Is that it? I hope you accidentally get that thing around your neck and hang yourself.

7. Cell-Phone Girl- Two prefaces here. I realize that we live in the technological age, and I’m just as happy with the conveniences as anyone. Also, I understand this isn’t necessarily exclusive to college, but because of the saturation on campus we’ll treat it as such. I’d love to know how you got to be so important at such a young age. Why can’t you take (or make) a phone call with some hint of privacy? Just like Ipod Guy, no one gives a blue fuck who you’re talkin’ to, what you’re talkin’ about, or why you’re talkin’ to them. I guess you were so advanced at such an early age that you skipped kindergarten and the instruction on using “inside voices”. I hope you get larynx cancer.

8. Trendy-Book-Reading Girl- I know you’re really smart, really cultured, and really that much better than the rest of us. I understand that none of us are even qualified to serve as your underling. I also understand that flashing your copy of “Super Duper Popular Poignant and Insightful” by “Miss No-Talent Hole” is pretentious and annoying. I hope you get a paper-cut on your retinas.

9. I-Can’t-Let-Go-Of-High-School Guy- It’s okay to wear the 10,000 t-shirts you gathered in those 4 years. It’s okay to check the newspaper to see how they did in the big game last night. It’s even okay to wear your class ring for the first week of college until you figure out that the majority of people with the standard number of chromosomes aren’t wearing theirs. However, it is NOT OKAY to wear your letter jacket. I don’t give a shit how cold it is outside. You should risk hypothermia by not wearing a jacket at all before you commit this atrocity. I hope that jacket spontaneously combusts with you in it.

10. Myself- If you knew me, you would too. I hope I get sexed to death by this woman.

Quote Of The Weekend

2005-09-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

On sexual practices...

"Ahh dude, eatin' ass is where's it's at!"

Confession...sort of

2005-09-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm in the last semester of my Senior year of college. Among the classes I'm in this semester is Speech. Most people take this class somewhere around their second semester, I'm not most people. I can speak in public. I can address others in public. For some reason, in this particular setting, I have a tendency to freeze up. Not complete lock-down, but I do get a little nervous. If you knew me, you'd know that nervousness isn't prevalent in my make-up. Again, it doesn't make sense, but it happens. It does help that I'm not the only Senior in the class, but not much.

So anyway, I said all that to say this...I'm sitting in my all-too-fucking-early-in-the-morning class, "listening" to the teacher/prof/trained monkey tell me all about the intricacies of human communication. Approximately halfway through the schpeel I'm on the receiving end of the following gem: "...which is essential if we want to CONVERSATE with one another."

Are. You. Fuckin'. Kidding. Me?

I have to listen to this "qualified" individual? My academic career (in all its glory) hinges on the judgment of this fucko? We all mis-speak from time to time, and I do tend to be a bit of a grammar Nazi (even if it sometimes makes me a hypocrite), but give me a fuckin' break. I'm really supposed to take seriously someone with a grasp of the English language that rivals Snoop Dogg? Forget the fact that I PAY for this shit, this shouldn't be laid on anyone for free.

Moral of the story...avoid college, you're smarter than the fucksticks instructing, and you can save some cash.

If you didn't dislike me already...true story

2005-09-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm walking around on my campus today. I'm coming face to face with a chick who happens to be wearing a "New Orleans" t-shirt. I think to myself how funny it would be to walk up to her, throw some water in her face, shove her over, and then spin away. I know tasteless, but funny nonetheless.

Are You Fucking With Me?

2005-05-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

Reading the "news" I came across this little blurb. I'll give you a second to read...alright, now that you're back I'll continue. MOST of you are probably too obtuse to find a problem in this pretentious fucking babble, so I'll break it down for you. 760 people is all you need in order to gauge public opinion. I know that looks funny, but apparently it's true. How do I know this? I know this because the Boston Globe used that number as a sample size and then spit out the proclamation that half of the country is against gay and lesbian marriages. I'm not disputing whether or not this is actually true, doesn't matter really. What I have a problem with is questioning an inadequate number of people and then releasing those findings as absolute fact. By the way, I just took a poll of my own. Of the 1 person questioned, 100% say they believe that the Boston Globe is a piece of shit.

Summer School starts in the morning. FUCK.

Finally woke up...

2005-05-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right. I finally woke up from my depression induced coma. After my man McNabb decided to puke a few interceptions from his mouth to defenders hands I fell prey to the silent killer known as self-hatred and disbelief. All is well now. I woke up to learn that they took the Pope off of life support and that Saint Terri Schiavo (is that how it's spelled?) has bigger work to do for God now. Or did I get those mixed up? Doesn't matter. Suffice to say I'm back and I'll probably update this thing a little more frequently. Or not. Or both.

Don't You Fucking Dare Wake Me Up...

2005-01-26T19:58:00.000-08:00

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I'm an Eagleholic. Jesus, that was fucking lame. Lemme try that again. I'm a Philly Fan. You may recognize us on the street, we're the ones that are smiling and crying at the same time, and they aren't tears of joy. The reason for the smile is obvious, the team we follow just earned their first Super Bowl berth (and only the second in team history) in the last 24 years. The tears are because as fans of the Eagles, we're scared. Yeah, I said it. Think about it. This city's favorite son is Rocky Balboa. Rocky Balboa, THE FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER! "We" celebrate him as if he won the Olympics, a War, the Heavyweight Championship of the World, and the National Spelling Bee. The reason we celebrate it? Pretty simple, he's the only "winner" the city has ever produced, more or less anyway. I sound as if I actually hate the Eagles...not the case. If you would have watched the NFC championship with me, as this guy did, you would know that I was living and dying with every snap, pass, kick, tackle, block, and sack. Speaking of sack, that's what everyone who said the Eagles were done when T.O. got hurt can suck. That was kind of a run-on sentence so I'll simplify...suck my sack.

Really though, the highlight of the weekend for me came with the AFC game. I told everyone I knew, including the lone Steeler fan I know (my roommate), the same day the Steelers beat the Pats during the regular season that there wasn't a chance in hell that they could beat them again. To me it was simple, rookie QB wouldn't be able to handle the pressure of the playoffs (confirmed by both the Jets and Pats games), every conceivable bad thing that could happen to the Pats did in the first meeting (fact), and Tom Brady (speaks for itself).

I realize this post is going to be interesting to absolutely no one, but I don't give a flying fuck. I don't walk around in real life telling people how fucking amped I am because they don't give a shit, and I don't wanna hear it from them when their team makes it. Therefore you, my dear readers (yeah, both of you) will just have to deal with the fact that I took the "liberty" of pounding the keys about something I like.

After hurriedly proofreading this incoherent babble I realized that I didn't REALLY celebrate the fact that they won. With that being said...THE EAGLES ARE THE NFC REPRESENTATIVE IN THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus I've been waiting forever to say that.

Alright, get started. Tell me how the Eagles don't have a virgin's chance at the prom in this game. You motherfuckers can't bring me down, besides I've got Stallone on my side, thick ass mongoloid-downs-syndrome-tongue and all.

Heil Harry!

2005-01-13T21:54:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't understand what all the fucking fuss is about. So what if a 20 year old kid can't exercise "good and proper" judgment? I know that I'm 7 years older than this punk and I'm far from being "socially polished". I lack tact and class from time to time, but who doesn't? Granted, you would think that someone in that position would be a little more advanced in the workings of what is and isn't socially acceptable, but give the kid a fucking break already. So he's a fucktard. So he offended a few (million) people. Will an official apology and a visit to Auschwitz change anything? Doubtful. We'll hear in a little while how he was "incredibly moved" and "now realizes the error of his insensitive gesture". So what? Will it change anything? Will it make him a more compassionate, understanding, and sensitive individual? More importantly, will it honor, or even bring back from the grave even 1 of the six-million plus that were thoughtlessly slain? Of course not. If I were someone who was offended by this, I would consider a quick visit to one of the sites where the atrocities took place and a knee-jerk apology to be patronizing. To me it would be better to let it go than to have to listen to his upcoming diatribe on insensitivity and ignorance, but then again, I wasn't someone directly affected by his actions.

Step down off of your soapboxes, spend a moment reflecting on the blunders of your youth for a second. Can you think of anything you may have done that wasn't THE best reflection of your character? Most of you can, including myself. The difference being that none of us had someone there snapping pictures to preserve the moment (hopefully).

The kid wasn't right, in fact his action(s) was/were reprehensible. The kid fucked up, pardon the pun, royally. But we're making a much bigger deal out of this than needs to be.

An Open Letter To Resolutioners...

2005-01-03T22:56:00.000-08:00

First allow me to say that I'm all for self-improvement. I'm all for setting goals, mapping out conquests, and generally striving to be a better (which is incredibly relative, but that's beside the point) person. What I think is ridiculous is the timing of said assignments. Why does everyone think that the beginning of a New Year is the chic time to set targets to throw at for the next 12 months? Granted, I can't think of a better time for one to begin, but what the fuck is the difference between Dec 31/Jan 1 and any other day(s), exactly? I read something recently that suggested that 80% of gym memberships in the U.S. are created in January. The same publication also stated that by March a mere 18% of the January members are still dedicated to their cause(s).

Again, I don't profess to know of a better time to start. If you've got something you want to change, a habit you want to break (or begin), then get off your pathetic ass and do it. My problem is with people needing some fuckin' crutch to lean on in order to do it. If you want something, you need to look yourself in the eye, whether that be in January or September, and do something about it. What I don't need to hear is another dullard asking me what my resolutions are. Of course I don't like everything about me, who in their right mind does? I'm a douchebag who needs an incredible amount of work in many facets. I postulate that the only reason anyone asks that God-forsaken question is so you'll return the favor and they can provide you with a laundry list of trumped-up bullshit they intend to do. If you are one of the ones who wait around for some asshole in a diaper and top-hat to roll around to show the slightest bit of motivation, good luck to you. The rest of us with any fortitude will enjoy the fact that the gym is a little less crowded come March.

So...

2005-01-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

I hear the surf is really kickass in Thailand this time of year. All I can think about is how badly I want to lube up the ole board with some wax, throw on some shorts and hit the beach. I bet the breaks on some of those waves are KILLER. Oh, and I'm an ass.

New Year's was incredible. No wait, I mean incredibly uneventful. I worked up until about 11:30, went home watched some guy's balls drop and went to bed. It's the first time that I can remember not being at a bar or a party. I guess I didn't miss it. I had opportunities and invites, just wasn't feeling it. I was however feeling how angry my liver still was from watching College Bowl games and slamming Rum 'N' Cokes earlier in the week. I'm still not okay.

Not much else going on. School starts up again pretty soon. I can't begin to tell you how much I'm dreading that. It's never as bad as I make it out to be, usually no big deal, I just hate "starting over" all the fuckin' time. Looking at new people to hate, meeting new instructors to ignore, finding new places to skip class <===== All things I have to look forward to come the 10th. On a random note, my brother just started a new band. Apparently it's going pretty well with one of the new members. Look for some pretty cool stuff from these guys. The last band my brother was in got signed, then the drummer spontaneously combusted. Actually he died of a heroin overdose, but we like Spinal Tap.

Only 364 Shopping Days Left...

2004-12-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Until the next time we're all forced into celebrating the birth of the Savior of the world via exchanging presents with the very people that caused him to have to die. See? Capitalism and commercialism never hurt anyone...right? All in all it wasn't nearly as horrific as I had imagined it would be. Of course this was due mostly to the fact that my Mother had been in the hospital for the 3 days up to Christmas Eve Eve. That being said, the focus quickly shifted from the bullshit associated with the holiday, and got back on family and such. I can say without hesitation that this was probably the best Christmas I've ever experienced. I got some pretty kick-ass gifts, if you're asking. My brother blessed me with treats such as this and that. Yeah, he's a pimp. Got some other cool stuff too, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to find pics to link, so that's all ya get. I also had the pleasure of hanging out with some pretty shady company (and his not nearly as shady family). They talked me into playing some Hold 'em with them. Five dollar buy-in, multiplied by six, minus my own buy in makes me $25 richer. That means I'm only in the hole a few hundred for Christmas. Now all I have to do is parlay the $25 into a grand and I will have made money off the holiday. I'm as bad as those parasites I spoke of earlier, aren't I? Anyway, the breakdown is, I had a good Christmas. Hope you did too...bitches.

I Am A Person...Personified

2004-12-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

Catchy title, huh? So I'm takin' a looksee around at this website, checking out "confessions", and some stupid bitch said something to the effect of "I'm dating this guy, and he's pretty much what I look for in a person personified". What the fuck is that supposed to mean, exactly? Look people, I'm no grammar Nazi, and I don't profess to be the founder of the English language. But for God's sake, don't butcher it like a fetus at the clinic. If you don't know a word, but wanna try and pose like you do, at least consult a dictionary, or other tool/resource that will keep you from looking like such a douchebag.

Anyone play fantasy football? You ever have one of those days where you can do no right? Today is that day. I made a percentage play, Santana Moss hasn't been incredibly productive this year so today I benched him. Through 3 Quarters he's got two TD's, doubling his touchdown production for the year. Ehwhaddayagonnado?

Weird New View...

2004-12-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

Fuck you XM...No Seriously, Fuck You.

2004-12-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

So I decided to give myself a little gift for X-Mas. I wanted the newest Delphi Ski Fi XM receiver. I made my way to the XM site (after checking with the lone local dealer where I live), put that badboy in my cart, and proceeded to check out. The next day I got an email confirming my order, and promptly checked my bank account to see if the money had been drafted from the account. Had it? You bet your sweet ass it had. This was all on December 10th, (the order itself placed on the 9th). Today is the 17th and I've yet to receive shipping confirmation. I've called XM twice and spent an inordinate amount of time on hold. I have emailed XM twice and have yet to hear a peep back from them. The part I like the most is that when I put the order confirmation number into the tool on the XM website, it contends that the number doesn't exist. I was patient, I was fair, and now I'm fucking pissed. Not only is it bad business not to fulfill an order, it's bad business to charge before it is even shipped. (And yeah, I considered that it's the holiday season, that's why it hasn't been a big deal until it finally dawned on me that they could, at least, pick up the goddamned phone or return an email to tell me themselves that they're backed up.) It's bad business to have customer "service" dole out apathy in heaps. My brother just wondered aloud if Sirius treats people this way. Let's hope not, I'd like to think that I still have a fucking alternative. If it weren't for this fuckin cat bein' on XM, I'd probably go the Sirius route.

Shut Up Already...

2004-12-12T11:44:00.000-08:00

So all you douchebags that are "oh-so distraught" and "upset" and "affected" by the "untimely" passing of one "Dimebag Darrell" really need to cram a revolver down your pieholes. First off, why is it anytime a celebrity...pseudo or otherwise, passes away there is a public outpouring of emotion and sadness? I'd venture to guess that exactly 148 of the 29393987432 of you in mourning actually knew the guy personally. I actually know a guy that went home and blasted Pantera while he got drunk. I guess that's some sort of retarded grieving process...but it's a given that it's a retarded process. I think I'm going to start taking ALL celebrity deaths especially hard. Call into work sick, wear nothing but black, play their movie, music, art, whatever on loop until I feel I can go on.Which brings me to this. How in the fuck can anyone really be upset over the death of a guy affectionately known as "Dimebag"? I'm sure Momma and Daddy Dimebag have their reasons, but for the rest of you...1. Get a haircut. 2. Mix something that isn't black into your wardrobe. 3. Get a job. 4. Move out of your parents home. 5. Give up that Rock-N-Roll dream, you haven't made it...and furthermore you won't. 6. Find something/one worthwhile to look up to and idolize. You can start with me.

Ramblings

2004-12-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

Well well well...I'm back...bitches. Not really much going on, trying to will myself to death...again. The first few times weren't much of a success. I did manage to die a little, just not enough. This clusterfuck of a semester is almost done and gone. I'm gonna manage to pass most if not all of my classes, which is mostly by choice. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Oh yeah, and that I'm lazy. Whatever.

Picked up the Jay-Z/L-Park (I don't know how the fuckin' spell their name, actually I do, but I think it's fag so I'm not gonna type it out) compilation. To quote the cool kids, it's fuckin' dope, tight, off the chain, or chizain if you will. Seriously though, it's chill as fuck. I'm pretty sure my circle wouldn't approve, but my circle consists of about 3 people, which makes it in fact, a square.

Countdown to X-Mas is on. It's currently T-Minus 22 days. I'll be more than pleased when the number hits about -2 days to X-Mas. I'll be happy whenever it's over and done with. Draft the dough out of my account, time warp me past the day in question, and call it good. I'm no longer 8 years old, so the only thing I look forward to is a day off of work.

Now Let's Get Down To Business...Bitches

2004-11-20T20:43:00.000-08:00

WTF is going on? I got about .5 hours of sleep last night...I was tired as fuck, yet couldn't manage to go to sleep. I got off of work at about 1:30 a.m., and managed to walk back in the fucking door at about 5:30 a.m. When 4:50 rolled around, and I was still awake I knew it would be a mistake to lay back down and try again...I would have managed to fall into a deep sleep and not get to work on time. That would have been classic...classic in the sense that when people referred to my employment for this company, they'd have to talk about it in past tense.

X-Mas is coming up and I have not a single clue what to get for anyone. I have no idea what I want either. I've always paid lip service and gave the standard answer, "nothing", when grilled about it. This time I mean it. I don't need anything, and I don't want for much, so that leaves me telling people not to buy me anything. I know they think it's bullshit, in the past it has been...this time I'm serious.

I still want to show the people that I care about that I appreciate them...and as I'm usually not very adept at telling people, I can SHOW them by throwing them a bone. Whatever ends up happening, I just want it to be over with.

By the way, I'm about to celebrate the one year anniversary of my employment here. Amazing I haven't fucked up a really good gig yet.

That was easy...

2004-11-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

The funeral came and nothing noteworthy happened. All in all I guess I'm glad I went, Mom needed all the support she could get.

Been doing a good job of working out and watching what I eat, although I secretly suspect my brother is trying to undermine my attempts. As I type this he has a cookie (not just any cookie, THE cookie) placed in my line of sight trying to get me to eat the motherfucker. If he keeps that shit up, I'll eat him in lieu of the baked delight.

For the most part my world has been uneventful, and I mean that. I've had real trouble getting out of bed lately. Last week I hardly went to class, slept most of the day away, and generally didn't feel like doing a goddamned thing, so I didn't. That shit HAS to stop. It gets easier and easier each time I do it, and I'm pretty sure the converse would be true if I just tried it. Fuck, I dunno.

Funerals

2004-11-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

My uncle died late last week. The family is holding services for him Monday. I feel guilty that I'm not profoundly moved or affected by the sudden passing of a family member. Truth be told, if it weren't for my Mother and Grandmother, I wouldn't even attend. It's selfish, and I shouldn't even utter the words, but Mondays are the only day of the week when I don't have to do anything at all. No school, no work...no responsibility in general...and secretly I'm pissed that someone had the "nerve" to intrude on that sacred day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud that I'm thinking that way, but that's the way I'm thinking. I should be shot, only I don't want to fuck up anyone else's Monday.

So Yeah...

2004-11-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm one counterfeit motherfucker. I'm faked my way through everything my entire life. My academic career is laughable. I fake that too. I mean, I go...sometimes. My grades usually suck, I barely study, and I picked a major without much thought or reflection. The course of study sounded easy enough and I figured I could "common sense" most of it. So far so good. I should have graduated...twice...by now. But I just keep stringing it along. First sort of by accident, then by design, now it's not so much that I string it out, there is just so much left to complete.

I have a good job. I kind of got it by default. I'm just the best of what's available. Or was. There is at least one other person here (someone I hired by the way) that could easily, and probably more effectively do my job. I fake my job too. Everyday I work, I do just enough to get by. This includes pretty much everything I'm supposed to do, but I could take a little more initiative I suppose. I do take initiative, but probably not enough.

Back to the theme. I always seem to take the road more traveled, the easy path, the "sure (er) thing". If I make it through school (and lately that "IF" has seemed to get bigger and bigger), I already plan on not interviewing, not exploring career options, and "settling" for the job that I already have. It's a good gig, the problem being where I am located. It's depressing. The place is poverty stricken, desolate, and basically demoralizing. I'm pessimistic by nature, (I like to think I'm more realistic, but others have assured me that I'm in fact a pessimist) so the combination of my build with being here equals roughly misery.

I'm a decent human. I'm kind (enough) to animals, and good to old people. I don't intentionally cause harm to others, and I have a genuine respect for God and Country. I'm still a scumbag, by my standards. I covet, envy, have impure thoughts, gamble for pleasure, sometimes drink to excess, curse, and a laundry list of other "offenses". Again, I don't hurt anyone (but myself), so I rationalize and justify until I'm comfortable with the outcome.

I have a hard time saying that I'm displeased with my place in life (although I am) simply because I don't do nearly enough to change it. Sure, I go to school full-time. Sure, I work full-time. Sure, I pay my bills. Sure, I'm knocking down past debts (from a time when I was actually LESS responsible than I am now, which is hard to believe). But all in all, I don't do nearly enough to change my future for the better.

I spend far too much time sleeping, fucking around on the internet, and playing video games to be as productive as I could/should be. I hate myself for it, and everyday I vow to change, only to hit the snooze button, or read mindless bullshit on the computer until four in the a.m. I know it's counter-productive, but it's the cycle in which I participate.

So my best friend calls me up last night. It's about 15 til 2 my time and I'm still at work. First he cusses me for answering the phone so late. He's a drunk dialer (as am I) and has warned me repeatedly not to accept his phone calls in the late hour (simply because I should be sleeping and not putting up with drunken babble) which I guess is pretty considerate for an asshole. After he finally got the point that I was awake, at work, and shouldn't be sleeping, he laid off. Then he decided it was a good idea to jump me about my lack of self-esteem, the fact that I doubt my abilities, and my general poor self-image. It's a strange way to give someone a boost, admittedly, but it works for us. He then told me that we would take over the world, somehow, he just hadn't quite gotten the logistics worked out. He cussed me some more and finally got me to agree that we were going to do "big things" and settling for being decent humans and "middle class" wasn't good enough. I agree. I need to set some higher standards, and more importantly I need to follow through with actions that will help be attain those goals and reach those standards.

I really think I need to work for myself. I'm disciplined enough to get up and go to work, that's what lets me afford stupid shit like drinking, computers and the net, video games, etc. There isn't anyone in the world (unless Eva Mendes counts) that I'd rather go into a business venture with, I'm just a fucking pussy. I'm scared to fail, and therefore scared to try. He isn't, and that's part of what makes us great friends, and I think possibly successful entrepreneurs. We complement one another. Where I'm weak he is strong, and vice-versa.

The whole reason I even started this fucking "blog"...(Jesus, the world "blog" is just gay) was because I walked outside of the building I work in, looked over the "skyline" of this miserable little town and was purely disgusted. The place it's located in is quaint and pure, but it makes me physically ill to think about being here for an extended amount of time. The sad part? I probably will be here for an extended amount of time simply because it's "safe" and "familiar".